We have a very dynamic (dynamic is a nice word for it) group of teachers in the english department at my school. We are always saying that we should put a video camera in our staff room and have a "Real World" show to show all the ridiculousness that goes on. No topic is ever off limits with 12 women in one room and I honestly wouldn't change it for the world. So, in keeping with our "Real World" theme, I'd like to present you the characters of Real World: Teacher's Edition, UAE style
The Flower Child This character marches to her own drummer and always has. She is always bringing in some sort of new kind of dried fruit or weird natural product for us to try. She is eternally cold and can't BELIEVE how loud her students are! But, if you have any health problem that needs some natural healing she is your woman. Just don't try to convince her that petroleum jelly is safe to use. It's chalked full of gas fumes or some shit and is definitely, slowly killing you. She is eternally trying to escape outside into the sunlight. Also, don't try to make her wear fancy shoes or she will take them off immediately upon arriving to her destination.
The "Shway shwway" (slowly, slowly or little by little) one She can be seen strolling slowly up the sidewalk to the front doors about 15 minutes past 8 each day and luckily, because of her nonchalant attitude about it, no one seems to mind. She will tell you remarkably disgusting things about pregnancy and childbirth (because she has a background in it) and is always the first that remark "That's not good!" if she thinks something is a bad idea. If you want an honest opinion, just ask this character because she wears her heart and thoughts on her sleeve and can't hide it.
The Happy Little Diva This character dresses to the nines every day (even for school) and has a grace that cannot be matched. You will never hear a swear word cross her lips. Try to mess with her or her flock, though, and this graceful swan can waste you with words in a second! She has an accent that her students love to try to mimic and she always has a funny video or picture to show you. She is the quintessential Momma Bear of the group, always finding a way to gently say much needed things.
"Mikey" This character is so aptly named because you will never see her get so excited as when there's free food about. Mikey comes alive on Thursdays when the weekend is near and gets in uncontrollable giggle moods that make everyone else giggle too. Mikey always has a good story to tell and always finds an amazing way to get forgotten about on school duty schedules, which makes the other characters jealous. She redeems herself by being the only one who knows how to control the damn air conditioning.
The Sweet One aka Adult Dora You can always find this character doing exactly what she is supposed to be doing so she doesn't let anyone down. Try to mess with her tea time though and you will get nothing as she will entirely tune out you and the rest of the world once that tea is in her hand. Her most common phrase is "Do I have time for another cup of tea?" Our answer is always yes. She is such a caring character that most of her stories are about how to do what's right for her family and occasionally a funny anecdote about them too. Also, she eats pizza EVERY THURSDAY!
The Head Honcho This character runs the show (because it so desperately needs to be run!). Her most common quotes are "NO!", "Why do you people think I know these things?!" and "PEOPLE! LISTEN!" She deals with more BS than any person should on a daily basis and does it with good humour. She is a cultural ambassador (whether she wants to be or not) and she will seriously fix your wagon if you step out of line. Without this character, the staffroom would be a hot mess.
The Serious Teacher With a single look or an exclamation of "Girls!" this teacher can bring such incredible shame and remorse for even the smallest misdeed! The students don't even think of talking to her with a lollipop in their mouth or wearing too fancy of a bow in their hair to class. Unleash the serious teacher on the weekend though and she is the belle of the ball, dressed for Hollywood and doing others' make up and hair to boot. Although she speaks English perfectly, people often need translation of her strange words for things and if she speaks to quickly, you can forget about knowing what the hell she is talking about.
The 'Whatever' Teacher This character likes to fly under the radar during the week as she impatiently awaits the weekend so she can have some REAL fun! If you wonder where she sits, just look for the messiest most disorganized desk that teachers from other departments have even tried to clean up for her. When she gets on a quest to change something she never shuts up about it and makes sure that everyone knows it. Also, she eats pistachios like they are seriously going out of style.
The Party Animal If we were all muppets, this teacher would be animal! She has an incredible amount of energy that is unmatched most days, even by the students. The staff and students alike love her for her incredible ability to try to uplift people when she sees they need it and she makes her students feel extremely loved. This character has some of the craziest stories you have ever heard and can make a mean chicken lunch. She will wear 8 inch heels to teach in all day long while others lounge on bean bag chairs complaining of how tired they are all day. Oh and please, please, don't make her go all Jamaican on you. Please. Also, as much as she likes to feed others, she will steal your snacks while you are eating them with a smile on her face and a thank you!
The (Darling) Queen Bee This is another Momma Bear in the room. She can fix your hair for you, boost your confidence and suggest something for you to wear all in one shot. While you may not want her as a Mother-in-Law, you do want her as your friend. She rocks matching shoes and purses and has a serious eye for high fashion. She can make the students know they are acting a fool with a simple look-something developed by years of setting her own boys straight. She can organize a fabulous event like no one else and you might even catch her out dancing on the weekend if you watch closely.
The One with the story You may find this character giggling to herself at her desk before she says "Now...why did I just find out that..." followed by a hilarious story. She is a quiet observer of all things that go on around her and never misses a beat. She dresses simply, but professionally all week, so she has people practically fainting when she brings out the big guns on the weekend and looks like a movie star.
The Baby of the Bunch This character never makes any trouble, but always has a smile on her face and a good story to tell. Since the room staged a flip-flop intervention on her, she has ramped up the shoe fashion and has been looking extra cute to boot! Don't let the cuteness fool you though, you get this one talking about her evil Mother-in-Law and you can see the beast that lies beneath. Also, she brings really tasty corn snacks to school so that makes her pretty popular!
As much as these ladies are all a little bit crazy, they are also all amazing in their own way. When you put all of these people together, you get a seriously interesting staff room.
My favourite story of late: A student was doing a project on role models and tried to choose "Mona Lisa" as her role model. Seriously. And then we all made fun of that a lot.
The Flower Child This character marches to her own drummer and always has. She is always bringing in some sort of new kind of dried fruit or weird natural product for us to try. She is eternally cold and can't BELIEVE how loud her students are! But, if you have any health problem that needs some natural healing she is your woman. Just don't try to convince her that petroleum jelly is safe to use. It's chalked full of gas fumes or some shit and is definitely, slowly killing you. She is eternally trying to escape outside into the sunlight. Also, don't try to make her wear fancy shoes or she will take them off immediately upon arriving to her destination.
The "Shway shwway" (slowly, slowly or little by little) one She can be seen strolling slowly up the sidewalk to the front doors about 15 minutes past 8 each day and luckily, because of her nonchalant attitude about it, no one seems to mind. She will tell you remarkably disgusting things about pregnancy and childbirth (because she has a background in it) and is always the first that remark "That's not good!" if she thinks something is a bad idea. If you want an honest opinion, just ask this character because she wears her heart and thoughts on her sleeve and can't hide it.
The Happy Little Diva This character dresses to the nines every day (even for school) and has a grace that cannot be matched. You will never hear a swear word cross her lips. Try to mess with her or her flock, though, and this graceful swan can waste you with words in a second! She has an accent that her students love to try to mimic and she always has a funny video or picture to show you. She is the quintessential Momma Bear of the group, always finding a way to gently say much needed things.
"Mikey" This character is so aptly named because you will never see her get so excited as when there's free food about. Mikey comes alive on Thursdays when the weekend is near and gets in uncontrollable giggle moods that make everyone else giggle too. Mikey always has a good story to tell and always finds an amazing way to get forgotten about on school duty schedules, which makes the other characters jealous. She redeems herself by being the only one who knows how to control the damn air conditioning.
The Sweet One aka Adult Dora You can always find this character doing exactly what she is supposed to be doing so she doesn't let anyone down. Try to mess with her tea time though and you will get nothing as she will entirely tune out you and the rest of the world once that tea is in her hand. Her most common phrase is "Do I have time for another cup of tea?" Our answer is always yes. She is such a caring character that most of her stories are about how to do what's right for her family and occasionally a funny anecdote about them too. Also, she eats pizza EVERY THURSDAY!
The Head Honcho This character runs the show (because it so desperately needs to be run!). Her most common quotes are "NO!", "Why do you people think I know these things?!" and "PEOPLE! LISTEN!" She deals with more BS than any person should on a daily basis and does it with good humour. She is a cultural ambassador (whether she wants to be or not) and she will seriously fix your wagon if you step out of line. Without this character, the staffroom would be a hot mess.
The Serious Teacher With a single look or an exclamation of "Girls!" this teacher can bring such incredible shame and remorse for even the smallest misdeed! The students don't even think of talking to her with a lollipop in their mouth or wearing too fancy of a bow in their hair to class. Unleash the serious teacher on the weekend though and she is the belle of the ball, dressed for Hollywood and doing others' make up and hair to boot. Although she speaks English perfectly, people often need translation of her strange words for things and if she speaks to quickly, you can forget about knowing what the hell she is talking about.
The 'Whatever' Teacher This character likes to fly under the radar during the week as she impatiently awaits the weekend so she can have some REAL fun! If you wonder where she sits, just look for the messiest most disorganized desk that teachers from other departments have even tried to clean up for her. When she gets on a quest to change something she never shuts up about it and makes sure that everyone knows it. Also, she eats pistachios like they are seriously going out of style.
The Party Animal If we were all muppets, this teacher would be animal! She has an incredible amount of energy that is unmatched most days, even by the students. The staff and students alike love her for her incredible ability to try to uplift people when she sees they need it and she makes her students feel extremely loved. This character has some of the craziest stories you have ever heard and can make a mean chicken lunch. She will wear 8 inch heels to teach in all day long while others lounge on bean bag chairs complaining of how tired they are all day. Oh and please, please, don't make her go all Jamaican on you. Please. Also, as much as she likes to feed others, she will steal your snacks while you are eating them with a smile on her face and a thank you!
The (Darling) Queen Bee This is another Momma Bear in the room. She can fix your hair for you, boost your confidence and suggest something for you to wear all in one shot. While you may not want her as a Mother-in-Law, you do want her as your friend. She rocks matching shoes and purses and has a serious eye for high fashion. She can make the students know they are acting a fool with a simple look-something developed by years of setting her own boys straight. She can organize a fabulous event like no one else and you might even catch her out dancing on the weekend if you watch closely.
The One with the story You may find this character giggling to herself at her desk before she says "Now...why did I just find out that..." followed by a hilarious story. She is a quiet observer of all things that go on around her and never misses a beat. She dresses simply, but professionally all week, so she has people practically fainting when she brings out the big guns on the weekend and looks like a movie star.
The Baby of the Bunch This character never makes any trouble, but always has a smile on her face and a good story to tell. Since the room staged a flip-flop intervention on her, she has ramped up the shoe fashion and has been looking extra cute to boot! Don't let the cuteness fool you though, you get this one talking about her evil Mother-in-Law and you can see the beast that lies beneath. Also, she brings really tasty corn snacks to school so that makes her pretty popular!
As much as these ladies are all a little bit crazy, they are also all amazing in their own way. When you put all of these people together, you get a seriously interesting staff room.
My favourite story of late: A student was doing a project on role models and tried to choose "Mona Lisa" as her role model. Seriously. And then we all made fun of that a lot.
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