Stuck in the Middle (East) with You

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

You know you're in the UAE when...

There are a lot of reasons I know I am in the UAE when I look around, like the sun, the scorching heat and all the Arabs. But here, more specifically, is a list of how to identify you are in the UAE.

You know you're in the UAE when...

-Your 17 year old student has a credit card with a limit three times higher than you

-You only wear sandals 365 days a year

-Rain is incredibly exciting, but causes people to drive into walls, each other and polls

-You call emergency services and they do not speak a word of English and they ask you 3 times what nationality you are before they agree to send an ambulance

-If you have done at least one thing in the Flo Rida video 'Wild Ones' on a regular weekend, and vow to find that sand hovercraft so you can totally do it too

-You have resolved to stop trying to learn Arabic (because it's too dang hard) and simply rely on: Wallah, Insha'allah, La, Hamdullilah, Habibi, Haraam

-You think nothing of parking your shitty rental car in between a Ferrari and a Maserati at the local mall

-You forget what life is like without round abouts

-Partying in Dubai is 'old hat'

-You (or at least 3 others you know) drive a rented Hyundai Accent (probably white)

-Having 2-3 cell phones is seen as necessary

-You see a woman wearing shorts and think "SLUT!"

-You have come to the conclusion that you really will always have sand in your hair no matter what

-When it being 44 degrees Celsius (111 F) at 10 am in May, is A-okay with you

-Everything takes "5-6 business days Insha'Allah"

-You automatically know that when an Arab says to you "5 minutes" they mean 30 minutes to an hour at least

-Requiring full air conditioning in your car and home in April is normal

-You see chickens digging in the garbage on residential streets on a daily basis

-Your Emirati neighbour owns a lion and it's no big deal

-You go to Dubai to "feel normal"

-You can always find a channel on your tv with prayer on it and it's not that dude in the crystal cathedral

-You'd consider going to Sri Lanka for the weekend

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