"MISS! I MUST go, my brother will be angry!"
"MISS THE BUS WILL LEAVE WITHOUT ME!"
And some more creative ones:
"Miss! My sister is having a baby, I will miss the birth!"
(Really? And you still came to school? Well you are not a very good sister then...)
"Miss! My father will be angry!! "
(That's okay, tell him to come to talk to me if he is angry)
"My father does not talk to women"
(Well that makes it easy for me, then, doesn't it?)
"Miss my maid will leave me here!"
(Really? Don't you think your father would fire her if she left his daughter at school?)
*Silently stares, looking pissed off*
"Miss! The bus will leave and I will have to walk home then I will DIE!"
(I'll miss you when you die)
***
Today the girls started asking about my family. I told them I had one sister who was four years older and she lived in Canada. Then they said "AND?.........", so I told them that was it. They all looked confused and said, "2? What is wrong with your Mother?" I said nothing, but that she achieved perfection with me so she decided to stop. They clearly all missed my joke, still baffled: "But......NO BOY? Your father must be very mad all the time!"
I tried to explain that families in North America are traditionally smaller and that there is not so much importance placed on having a boy. They then told me they were very concerned about who would run my family when my father passes away.
They also asked where my husband was, in the UAE or Canada. I told them again I was not married (as I have stated many times before, but they don't seem to believe it) and they said "Ohhhh, MISS, you MUST get married soon before you get way too old!" Thanks kids....
They did redeem themselves by saying "Thank you" and "We love you Miss!" when I told them I came ALL the way to the UAE, alone, just to teach them.
***
Lastly, I will leave you with a note on driving in the UAE which has been circling around the teacher pages on facebook. You may know something about the driving here if you have been an avid reader of my blog, and I can attest that the following truly represents driving here...
Here are the driving rules in the United Arab Emirates
1. There are only two speeds on Abu Dhabi roads - too fast and stationary.
2. When driving at 120km/hour ensure you are 30cm from the car in front and then furiously flash your lights at them, even though it is three solid lanes of traffic and they can't move anywhere.
3. Roundabouts are for parking/picking up/dropping off friends. Everyone knows that, stupid!
4. Never indicate at roundabouts, especially when turning left or doing a u-turn - that would just give other drivers a clue of your intentions.
5. Never choose the correct lane for your exit when going round a roundabout - drivers love it when you suddenly cut across them - it tests their brakes.
6. Never indicate when changing lanes. This also gives people a clue of your intentions.
7. If someone is courteous and lets you in, never thank them - that just shows weakness so more fool them for being nice.
8. Never let in drivers who are indicating that they need to move into your lane so they can turn right. It's fun watching them miss their turning or pull a dangerous maneuver.
9. If you do miss your turn, just reverse, no matter how fast the on-coming traffic - it's their duty to avoid you.
10. Always brake at the last possible moment - then you can see the whites of the other driver's eyes in their rear-view mirror as they widen.
11. When speeding in the slow lane, flash the car in front who is actually going slow. Everyone knows slow cars should be in the middle lane.
12. Slow cars - always drive in the middle lane, forcing other cars to overtake on either side of you.
13. Hard shoulders are designed to help you get past that traffic jam quickly, not for broken down cars/lorries or actual emergencies.
14. When in heavy traffic, a gap of half a car is an invitation.
15. Equally, a red light is more of a request than an order.
16. Your horn is like beautiful music to other drivers, so keep hitting it.
17. Never strap your child in - that wastes valuable seconds in getting to your destination.
18. Speeding through a petrol station as a short cut when trying to get past a traffic jam is legitimate.
19. Never fully concentrate on the road; instead use your journey wisely, eg for texting, chatting on the phone, eating, drinking or reading. In extreme cases, your drive is also a good opportunity for a quick nap.
20. Always open your door and spit when in traffic jams - it is big and it is clever.
21. Finally, one for the pedestrians - always cross the motorway/freeway at its busiest point, when cars are at their fastest. Drivers love the adrenaline rush as you run in front of them and they get to test their driving skills as they try to control that skid.
--Saleh (a fellow teacher)
1. There are only two speeds on Abu Dhabi roads - too fast and stationary.
2. When driving at 120km/hour ensure you are 30cm from the car in front and then furiously flash your lights at them, even though it is three solid lanes of traffic and they can't move anywhere.
3. Roundabouts are for parking/picking up/dropping off friends. Everyone knows that, stupid!
4. Never indicate at roundabouts, especially when turning left or doing a u-turn - that would just give other drivers a clue of your intentions.
5. Never choose the correct lane for your exit when going round a roundabout - drivers love it when you suddenly cut across them - it tests their brakes.
6. Never indicate when changing lanes. This also gives people a clue of your intentions.
7. If someone is courteous and lets you in, never thank them - that just shows weakness so more fool them for being nice.
8. Never let in drivers who are indicating that they need to move into your lane so they can turn right. It's fun watching them miss their turning or pull a dangerous maneuver.
9. If you do miss your turn, just reverse, no matter how fast the on-coming traffic - it's their duty to avoid you.
10. Always brake at the last possible moment - then you can see the whites of the other driver's eyes in their rear-view mirror as they widen.
11. When speeding in the slow lane, flash the car in front who is actually going slow. Everyone knows slow cars should be in the middle lane.
12. Slow cars - always drive in the middle lane, forcing other cars to overtake on either side of you.
13. Hard shoulders are designed to help you get past that traffic jam quickly, not for broken down cars/lorries or actual emergencies.
14. When in heavy traffic, a gap of half a car is an invitation.
15. Equally, a red light is more of a request than an order.
16. Your horn is like beautiful music to other drivers, so keep hitting it.
17. Never strap your child in - that wastes valuable seconds in getting to your destination.
18. Speeding through a petrol station as a short cut when trying to get past a traffic jam is legitimate.
19. Never fully concentrate on the road; instead use your journey wisely, eg for texting, chatting on the phone, eating, drinking or reading. In extreme cases, your drive is also a good opportunity for a quick nap.
20. Always open your door and spit when in traffic jams - it is big and it is clever.
21. Finally, one for the pedestrians - always cross the motorway/freeway at its busiest point, when cars are at their fastest. Drivers love the adrenaline rush as you run in front of them and they get to test their driving skills as they try to control that skid.
--Saleh (a fellow teacher)
Lol! Love the driving rules, even if it gives me heart palpitations knowing you're on the road with them.
ReplyDeleteYour father is secretly angry and refers to you as 'Kevin' when you're not around.
He's just really good at pretending that he loves his daughters with all his heart.