More Tales of the Tails

Part two update in the unpleasant saga that is Muffin being in heat. Male dogs can smell it from really far away and apparently this reach extends through my walls and to my clothing. While I promise you I have not been rolling around on Muffin's excrements, the dogs somehow still mistake me for her when I go outside.

All the other teachers up here get a really big kick out of watching me take Muffin out to go to the bathroom. I can't let her out alone or they attack her, so I have devised a (sort of) plan. I will paint you a picture for your enjoyment: I have a tie out cable I usually use for Muffin out front of my house, so I put the most aggressive dog waiting outside on this line. Then I put a collar on the most annoying dog and tie it to the same porch. All while I am doing this, 6 to 8 muddy dogs are jumping all over me and taking turns trying to hump me from the back. I learned quickly to only bend over if I have my back to my door. From there I go back inside and then get my big stick, put Muffin on her leash and sneak through my house to my side door. Sometimes I can make it out the door before they hear and smell us, but most times, they have caught on and are waiting outside that door. I then run her out all the while waving my stick and pulling dogs off her. Sometimes when it gets too much, one of my colleagues will come out to ward off some of the dogs. I won't tell you how...needless to say they get the job done so the dogs don't kill each other (quite literally).

I never thought I could hate an animal for just doing what it's instincts are telling it to do, but I honestly do. It is my own damn fault for not sending her to the vet to get fixed sooner, but she went into heat quite early and I really thought I'd have more time. It's not quite as easy as just taking her down the street to get fixed up here. I know me and the dogs will go back to being friends after this whole ordeal is over, but for now they are on my list.

Your list? You ask. Well...

Karen's list of people/companies/beings that should be shunned, told what for or set straight:

-Rogers communications. This includes cable and phone. I hate them, their customer service sucks and they have screwed over myself and my associates many many times.

-All University Registrar's Offices, ever. They are useless, they never answer their phones and they will make you wait in line to hand in a form/ask a question and then tell you that you actually must come back on the second Tuesday of the month between 10:27am and 1:46 pm to process your request. Also, don't forget that they are closed for lunch and won't be back on time.

-The bus. Everything about the bus sucks. Waiting for it, missing it, being on it, the people on it. Suckage.

-Being hungover. I am aware this one is avoidable, but it still sucks when its happening.

-Horny North dogs. As aforementioned.

-Tobey MacGuire, Don Knotts, Rodney Dangerfield, The movie Groundhog Day, Nickelback. I shouldn't have to explain any of these.

-Olives. They smell, are gross and their nasty olive juice has the potential to screw up a perfectly delicious pizza.

-Spiders. Duh.

-Racists, Sexists and Homophobs. Again, duh.

***

Right, back to the North. I had no students today at all :-( There isn't even an excuse of pleasant weather. They just hate school. The countdown is on to the end of June. Less than 2 months!

Well I am off to get humped by dogs then sit in my classroom alone.