CA vs UAE

Having been back in Canada for about 5 days now, I have been saying a lot of "it's so nice that people here..." and "I really missed how everyone here..." So, following these thoughts, are some lists for you my friends.

10 Awesome things about Canada (in no particular order)

1. Cold, fresh, air. You have no idea how much you miss it till it's gone.

2. People hold doors for you, even if that means they have to stand there and wait for you to get to the doorway.

3. People chat. Men and women. Old and young. With no intentions other than to chat. This doesn't really happen in the UAE.

4. Free speech. Yesterday at Yonge and Dundas square there were the dudes handing out Black History newspapers, a dude yelling about Jesus and a man quietly passing out flyers about Islam. All in the same square together.

5. Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays. Every store person says one or the other. It's nice.

6. Availability of pork. Enough said.

7. People say please and thank you, to each other in the street and to service workers.

8. People throw out their own garbage, pump their own gas and take care of their own children.

9. Recycling!

10. Nobody stares at me. I like blending in every once and a while :)

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10 Awesome things about the UAE (in no particular order)

1. Sun all the time. Even in December.

2. Palm trees and camels, everywhere!

3. Really affordable massages, manicures and pedicures.

4. People who love their faith with such reverence and joy, but do not try to push it onto others.

5. No taxes!

6. Generosity of Emirati people when it comes to food. You will never go hungry if an Emirati is nearby. (they are like the Italians of the Middle East!)

7. Beaches everywhere. I love me a good beach.

8. Patchi chocolate. It is the best chocolate ever and it is all over the UAE.

9. Super awesome concerts (USHER!)

10. The opportunity to travel to so many amazing places!

Celebrating

I have been slacking in a major way when it has come to blogging. Sometimes life gets in the way of writing about life...funny how that is!

Recently it was UAE National day...aka the 41st anniversary of the country. There are many things to note about National Day, but let us first tackle the 41 bit. Last year was the 40th anniversary (obviously), so this year, in the good charming broken English way, a lot of cars I saw had stickers that said 41th. I understand that these are finicky parts of the English language but you'd think that someone, ANYONE, who came into contact with this sticker at the various stages (manufacturing, shipping, sticking it on the car at the shop) would have looked twice and realized that 41 (th) just isn't quite right. I'd like to think that maybe it was much to the amusement of the strong-English speaking Filipinos who put all those stickers on. Then I accept it with a smile.

Secondly, schools go all out with National Day celebrations and our school was no exception. I could not take a lot of pictures as we are not allowed to show the faces of our students or even take their pictures without permission, but I can show you the cafeteria. They rented a legit catwalk to have a Arab women fashion show. The students wore a variety of clothing from UAE and other cultures, complete with 5-8 in inch stilettos and decked out in hundreds of dollars worth of gold jewelry. Some of the sweet little Muslim girls were swinging their hips a little too seductively..we saw our Vice Principal giving them the eye. In Canada we just BBQ, drink beer, watch fireworks and yell "woooo! Eh!" on Canada Day, so this was slightly more spectacular.

Our school also hosted the elementary kids to put on a National Day show. Some little girls dressed in UAE colours and flipped their hair around (the traditional UAE dance for women) and others dressed up in army fatigues and did a dance with fake, plastic AK47s. While this would be entirely disturbing in North America, in UAE it considered quite normal and cute. 

The rest of the Emiratis celebrated by going down to the Abu Dhabi waterfront, parking their cars, honking, silly stringing each other and making a lot of noise. I did want to go and celebrate there until I heard that men sometimes take it as the perfect opportunity to grope women in the crowd with no repercussions...so I skipped it. 

***

Over the last two days I travelled home to Canada. I took two separate flights, one on Emirates Air (known as one of the nicest airlines) and one on AlItalia which was nothing to write home about (though it appears as though I still will). Emirates was really nice and the seats were even more comfortable than a traditional airline (even in Economy-of course in first class you get a damn bed!) Luckily for me, I had 4 seats to myself so I laid across them the whole way, it was lovely. The food was actually quite good-stewed mutton, mashed potatoes and chocolate mousse and all the wine I could drink (a little ironic since they announced call to prayer on the plane). I found it very interesting the way they announced our arrival. First in English, stating we had arrived in Rome, the weather and thanking us for flying. Next in Italian, none of which I understood, but it sounded pretty smooth. Lastly, they announced in Arabic and I counted that they said "Alhamdulillah" (Praise to God) 5 times in the one announcement. I find it interesting, that although people of other languages/cultures may be religious, they very rarely mention God in daily speaking. They did say Merry Christmas in English though. 

Then I went to Rome and ate a lot of pork during my layover and listened to Christmas music. It's good to be home!

Time for a wake up call?

I am a glass half full kind of person. Usually I try to see the bright side of things, or at least make the best of my situation. Sure, I have my days when I am kind of grumpy and want to shut the world out and hide in bed, but most days I try to face it with a smile. This applies too, to my life in the UAE.

The UAE has some serious problems like wild disorganization, a slave labour class, classism in general, discrimination...the list goes on. You hear really sad stories of people being mistreated or you witness this mistreatment first hand and it can be hard to keep smiling. It also has it's positives. It is basically one of the most open societies to immigrants (they do need us here), they have excellent social welfare services for their own people, the have amazing attractions for tourism and the beauty of the desert. A lot of expats come to the UAE with dreams of something different and/or dreams to make some money and pay off debts at home. In a variety of ways the UAE does not disappoint in these areas. The only ones disappointed are the expats who believe they can come to a young country, impose all of their own views and criticisms unto that country and (try to) demand that things be done in their own way. It can be easy to criticize and not see any of the good. Being in a circle of teachers from around the world, this is often much of all I ever hear, actually.

I think we must first consider how "young" the UAE is. For arguments sake, let us consider the United States to be 236 years old (I know we could certainly debate over the date of "birth" of the US as a nation..but that's not what my blog is about) and Canada to be 145 years old. The UAE will be celebrating it's 41st anniversary this year (the seven Emirates were joined in this year under Sheikh Zayed bin Sultan Al Nahyan- Oil was discovered in the UAE in the late 1950's). So, umm, have you SEEN the development Dubai?! They've made their own islands for goodness sake! Have you seen the lavishness that is parts of Abu Dhabi? Have you seen the beauty that is Fujairah? Have you seen the green and the natural oases in Al Ain? Well if you haven't, you will have to take my word for it (or get your butt over here to visit...or look at the internet). For an extremely young country, the UAE has done a lot-so much in fact, that when compared to other countries at this stage in their development, those other countries seem quite pathetic!

If United States and Canada are "well-developed" nations, we may compare them to a mature, responsible, adult. The UAE is less than half of either of their ages. The UAE is a teenager on a world scale. Do you remember what you were like when you were 14?

The fact is, any of the problems you find here in the UAE, you can find examples of almost anywhere else in the world.

Slave labour?--China (where everything you have ever owned was made by slaves), Korea (where everything they use is made by their own slaves), United States (migrant workers from Mexico), Canada (migrant workers from the Caribbean)!

Classism?-- How much does my Dad make who has worked in the steel industry for 30 years? How much did your high school teacher make? How much do nurses make based on their hours of work? How much does a baseball player make who hits a ball with a bat a few times a week?

Discrimination?-- Have you been to a Native American or Native Canadian reservation anywhere in North America?

You may wonder why I am defending the UAE here when it clearly has so many problems (and when we see so many of those problems in our home countries but choose to ignore them or classify them in some other way). The truth is I am not really even trying to defend the UAE. It is what it is. That's my point actually. For many teacher expats (of which there are a lot of us in UAE) life in the UAE is at least 10 times better than at home. We were bought plane tickets to come over here. We stayed in 5 star hotels for a month upon arrival. We were put into nice apartments (or if not nice..a free apartment in the least) and many of us work in state-of-the-art school buildings. We are given plenty of holidays, we get extra pay bonuses and pay no tax. There is perpetual sun, always somewhere to party or experience something new and we can even bring our spouses and children on our companies dime! Sounds pretty amazing doesn't it?

I have heard many people declare how they could have "never lived like this at home" or how they "struggled every day to eat" at home and here they simply do not. Yet, we sit around and complain all day long. Yet, we sometimes regard the local people with a certain sarcasm or level of superiority because we think what they do is cruel or wrong or unjust. Yet, we are here. Reaping the benefits of the society that they brought to realization, in only forty years. Yet, we are here, participating in the economy of the society that we sometimes so boldly criticize. I think a lot of us are not used to being the "immigrant." Think about it, how are immigrants regarded or treated in your own country? I think it is time for a little bit of a wake up call for some people that are hating or complaining while sitting in an air-conditioned building, making a tax free salary and having the experience of a lifetime. It isn't really so bad after all. I'm sure there is a literal line up of people at home who would trade places if they'd like.

Too much fat

As previously mentioned, I have lost some weight (some of which I gained after I came to the UAE) this year. About 25 pounds lost total, on a good day. I am living a healthier lifestyle and eating better, which makes me feel better. I still have days I eat crappy food and am too tired to exercise, but overall I am doing much better than I used to with the whole healthy lifestyle thing. 

I am doing it for a lot of reasons. I do want to be able to shop in normal sized clothing stores (getting closer!) and I do want to be able to sit comfortably in airplane seats (which has now become a big part of my life). Someday I do want to have babies and I want my body to be a healthy nest for them to grow in. I do want to feel less tired, to not get out of breath when walking up stairs and to be able to push my body past my (perceived) limits--I have actually accomplished these 3 :D But, there's some things I don't want to do. I don't want to become "skinny" or even to be the prescribed weight for someone of my height, gender and age (according to that chart everyone seems to bow to). I like having a curvaceous body, so I am working to improve, not smooth, those curves. 

You may wonder why I'm on a rant about weight loss when it's not something I usually talk about on my blog. I find that weight loss is noticed more often in this country than at home. At work the western teachers I work with are always extremely supportive and comment on my weight loss and how well they think I'm doing. These are people who know and care about me, so it's great when they encourage me. Same goes for my other friends here. What irks me a little is when seemingly random people comment on my weight loss like it's something I have finally done that they have been waiting for. A perfect example occurred yesterday when I was in class, in the middle of teaching a grammar lesson. An Arabic teacher I don't know came to the door and knocked. (We have almost 100 teachers at my school so it's no surprise I didn't know her). I asked her to come in, as they usually knock to come and speak to the students. She came into my class and stood at the front of the room and said "Miss, you have become much less fat. How you lose this kgs?" Her question very much took me off guard and I stumbled for an answer, trying to explain the concept of boot-camp to her in broken english. She said "How much kg you lose?" I told her around 12, not knowing the exact conversion then. She replied "Ahha ok, well you must to keep going, more more! Beautiful face!"I just kind of laughed and she walked out. After much chatter in Arabic from my students, I got the class back on track.

I didn't realize till later how much the situation bothered me. Yes, it was totally inappropriate for her to do that in front of my students and if I was a different person, it would probably really have embarrassed me. But, that wasn't it. It wasn't even the bad translation of telling me I had "become much less fat." Many Arabs in this country are very blunt about topics like weight, so it didn't surprise me to hear her phrase it like this, I have encountered it before. What did bother me was telling me to lose more and that I have "Beautiful face!" Yes, I want to lose more, but it's not about simply looking nicer and certainly not for you, lady. Yes, I have a beautiful face. I also have a lovely smile, nice hair, a kickin' booty, lovely eyes.....I could go on but this list is probably getting awkward. The point is, I do not believe that losing weight will make me more beautiful. It won't make me a better person. Won't make me more popular or help me advance in my career. It will allow me for a healthier, more comfortable life-so that is why I'm doing it.

Today I went into my other class and one of my students who could be considered curvy (possibly what I looked like in high school) said, "Miss, do you think I'm fat?!" The whole class quieted to listen. I laughed and said, "No, I think you are a beautiful young woman!" She said, "Oh, thank you Miss, everyone keeps telling me I am too much fat!" I said, "Well, what do you think about yourself?" She said, "I think I am wonderful!!!" and did a little twirl. I replied, "I think you are right. It only matters how you feel inside about yourself. Never let anyone tell you what to think about your own body." At this she ran toward and gave me a jump-hug and then sat down, beaming. I realized that I really used to care if people thought I was fat. I used to cry to my Mom when other kids teased me. The truth is, everyone grows up and we all have things we don't like about ourselves. I choose to focus on what I do like and try to fix what I don't. I can only hope this young woman will someday come to the same conclusion and be totally happy with herself and in her own skin.

As a last thought, a friend posted this link on facebook this morning about a news anchor woman who gets called obese by a viewer in an email and addresses it live on the air. I will leave you with that.

http://www.upworthy.com/bully-calls-news-anchor-fat-news-anchor-destroys-him-on-live-tv?g=3

SMH

As some of my readers know, I have recently been taking an outdoor boot camp class in Al Ain. The class consists of intense cardio and strength training, all in the 40 degree Celsius heat outside. I have just completed my first month and have lost about 10 pounds (woot!) I also got back my results from the first and final class to show my progress.

NAME	PUSH UPS		SIT UPS		1MILE RUN		SQUATS		BRIDGE
	First	Last	First	Last	First	Last	First	Last	First	Last
KAREN	15	17	26	30	14:22	12:33	39	45	0:18	0:42

I am definitely most happy about my 1 mile run time. I managed to shave off 2 minutes and 11 seconds for this one. This will definitely help when I do my next challenge, a 5K run in November. I am signed up for another month of boot camp, so hopefully I will see even better results next month :)

***

Enough bragging, time for a story. Yesterday I went to the hospital to get a doctor's note for my absence from work. I saw an Emirati man and woman come out of the hospital carrying a tinnnnnyyy newborn baby. The Mom looked tired, she must have just had her. It warmed my heart to see the father walking carefully down the steps, so as not to wake her. However, it did not warm my heart to see them go to their SUV, the Mom get in the backseat and the father carefully place his newborn infant on the passenger seat in the front of the car, WITHOUT an infant car seat, and drive away! How could you possibly NOT think that was a bad idea?! Even if you only got a car in the last 10 years, strike that, EVEN IF YOU ONLY GOT A CAR TODAY!!!!! how could you not imagine that as a bad idea? For this reason, this country continues to baffle me.

***

I recently met a young Filipino girl who was visiting the UAE from the UK, where she goes to school. I asked her impression of the country, which I was interested to know because although she is a tourist, she would be assumed to be a maid or nanny in the UAE, just by virtue of her nationality. She said that a few times in her short, one-week stay in the UAE, locals had treated her quite badly, giving her orders or simply pushing her out of the way. She was shocked by this and asked me why. It was a very hard question to answer. How do you tell a bright eyed, 19 year old girl that this country thinks her people are nothing more than slaves to be used as they see fit? I tried to tell her some version of the truth without being offensive, and she surprised me by saying that it is the same in the Philippines. Since the Philippines is so poor and the strata between the rich and the poor is so great, she said that most middle to upper class Filipino families employ their own people in a slave-like setting. She explained that all young girls have to be driven around by drivers and cannot leave the house without an escort. This is much the same in the UAE, but she told me that the reason for the escorts in the Philippines was because so many young girls are kidnapped and taken into prostitution rings for tourists from OTHER COUNTRIES (can you guess which ones?) to come and purchase them for disgusting, indecent reasons. She told me that she once watched a video in high school about how Filipinos would often come overseas to work and end up trapped here, unable to go home. She laughed sadly, telling me that they left home to escape this exact same fate. Can someone tell me what the hell is wrong with the world? Oh yeah! Capitalism. Ugh.

***

An Illicit Airport Tale

*This post is for adult eyes only!

Here is a story I've been meaning to tell for a while now. I travelled with a friend who is also a teacher in the UAE, this summer. She decided it was high time she bring back some toys from Canada to the UAE to have a little "adult fun."Sex toys are considered offensive to Islam and therefore are banned from being brought into the country. However, she had heard from MANY people that teachers never get checked at the airport and to just go for it. She totally went for it. Actually no, she stocked up (for it) knowing she would not have access to any such things for a long time coming in the UAE.

We got off the plane and got our luggage, all the while making jokes about her toys being missing with an angry note from security in her suitcase. We collected our luggage and hers appeared untouched, so we celebrated (as much as one can celebrate after a 7 1/2 hour flight, a 12 hour layover, and a 7 1/2 hour flight-again). We walked out towards the doors or the airport and SURPRISE! another customs security check point. Luckily, people seemed to be just waved by the security. I went through first, then my friend and....wait for it...she was randomly selected! Her utter look of terror and foreboding as she went up to the scanner may have tipped them off. I sidled off to the corner in an attempt to watch, without being noticed by security (I was out of earshot-but could still see her).

They started searching through her bags and pulled out a vibrator, looking sternly at her. I watched her with amusement as she mock "massaged" her shoulders with it. The lady just didn't seem to be buying it and put it aside. They continued searching, taking out her 2 bottles of alcohol (AND THEN ALLOWING HER TO KEEP THEM!!! Wth!). The security lady called over another female security guard as she continued searching, and two male security guards watched with mild amusement. My favourite part of the whole illicit event was when the (Muslim) female security guard held up my friend's fluffy, red, handcuffs and just stared at her. At the this point I just saw my friend take a big shrug (can't claim those are for massaging!!) and the security guard shook her heard. By this point I, and the two male, Muslim, Emirati, security guards, were laughing...then they noticed me and kicked me out.

She spent about another 20 minutes in there, which started to freak me out because I thought they might detain her or that she'd be in real trouble. Finally, the sliding doors opened and she took a long walk of shame over to the bench where I was waiting. She spent the next hour and half ride home going back and forth between giggling, being mad because they took her f*cking expensive toys!!, and in disbelief it actually happened to her.

Moral of the story is: "SEXY TOYS ARE NOT ALLOWED IN UAE MA'AM!!"

On the Middle Eastern Riots

*Warning: This post talks about religion, violence and my two cents of what's going on in the Middle East. If you don't care what I think, or think this might just piss you off, I suggest skipping it and perhaps going back to trolling the internets. Just sayin'

If you have been paying any attention to the news recently, I'm sure you have seen the riots and protests regarding the viral video on youtube made by an American that disgraces the name of the Islamic Prophet Muhammad (PBUH). I watched the video and frankly it is a completely inane, inflammatory, badly filmed, piece of crap, with bad acting and fake beards. Certain individuals across the Middle East have been attacking embassies in Libya, Tunisia, Yemen, Egypt and Sudan, rioting in the streets and just causing general mayhem. I understand these people are angry, I would be angry too. But, I know from living in the UAE that one of the main pillars of Islam is divine justice. Consider this: (wikipedia-does not translate directly from the Qur'an-I'm sure..so take it with a grain of salt)

"Anyone who believes in Islamic monotheism must believe in the Almighty's justice. Because Allah is just, He never wrongs His creatures, for injustice is an evil deed while He is far from doing evil. Because He is omniscient, He does not neglect anything, and because He is self-sufficient, He has no cause to wrong others. Since He owns everything, He does not need the actions of anyone. His wisdom also transcends the universe. Thus, unlike some human beings, He has no cause for injustice:

"He is always standing firm on justice. There is no God but Him, the Mighty, the Wise." (3:18)

"And your Lord does not deal unjustly with anyone." (18:49)

"We[8] did not wrong them, but they wronged themselves." (16:118)

Just as Allah encourages human beings to emulate some of His attributes, such as being patient and forgiving, He also tells us to follow the way of justice. "Say: 'My Lord has enjoined upon me justice.'" (7:29) Although common people may falter in this area, none of the prophets of God or their successors ever committed any act of injustice."

Now, I'm not a religious person but does anyone else see the irony in calling yourself a Muslim and then blowing up embassies and killing innocent people because someone made a video? According to Islam, Allah is the only one who can bring justice, so why bother? I think some people need some quiet contemplation time to read their holy book!!! Not to mention the fact that the German and UK embassies have also been attacked. Uhm.....are we confused about geography??

That being said, the UAE has been perfectly peaceful. There is a lot going on around the UAE right now such the Iran-Bahrain conflict, the terror in Syria and all the protests, but we are going about our lives in a normal way here in the UAE. I am registered with the embassy of course, and I am watching closely but there are no protests or riots here. It is really a catch 22 because there is a Euro/North American assumption of terror in all of the Middle East and there is generally an assumption of calm here in the UAE. None of us should ignore the news or stop paying attention, but we also cannot live our lives with our bags packed beside our doors. 

I guess my message is that, in my experience, rioting, blowing things up and killing innocent people is NOT what Islam is about. Islam is about devotion to one's God, peace, love, and forgiveness. In my opinion, that is nothing to fear. If you do fear that, I suggest looking up the term Islamophobia. Please do not confuse the practices of Islam with the practices of certain cultures. Please do not confuse devotion to religion with outright individual stupidity. I think that people who hide behind their religion in order to commit acts of "vigilante justice" are just cowards. And that goes for people following any religion.

Phew, that was awfully serious! I promise that in my next post my blog will go back to it's regular, old, fun, self. I just wanted to put my thoughts out there and to reassure people who are not over here in the Middle East that it's not always as bad as it looks on TV :)

The circle of life!

I have been back in the UAE for a few days now, and given enough time to recover from my jet lag, I already have a few stories. First off, I know I always complain about hot jet lag is a bitch, but it sooo is! I have woken up every day at 5am and today I had a 6 hour nap mid-day. Wtf. Hence why I am writing this blog at almost 1am.

I am back to the world of traffic accidents (saw two today), back to the world of hot (it's sooooo hot) and back to the world of black market exotic animals-kept as pets. Yes, that is normal in the UAE. Today I went to the vet to take my bunny in and whilst in the waiting room I look around to see a few Emiratis with their falcons. Falcons are very popular pets here and the vet's office even had a special astro-turf perch for them to set their falcons on while they paid. One guy also had a parrot, which he was just casually holding on his finger while waiting (like seriously, get a bird cage bud). The most jarring was when the examining room door opened and a young Emirati guy walked out being led by his lion on a chain. You did not read that wrong. This was all Nala, all the way (she was a girl- we asked). I had a small heart attack thinking "SHE'S GONNA EAT ME!!!" (please see the Lion King clip below to illustrate)

But really, the dude just lead his lion over toward the counter and it sat down like a dog. Just casually. It didn't seem fazed by any of us in the waiting room, nor did it seem to want to eat me or my cute little fluffy bunny. I think the guy kind of enjoyed my gaping mouth reaction, because he decided it was time to "play" and got the lion all riled up and on two legs bear (make that lion-)hugging him and biting at his legs. I really really wanted to ask for a picture of the lion, or of me with the lion but I was so dumbstruck I didn't do it. Luckily, the internets can provide us with almost anything nowadays. It looked something similar to this size wise and type:

So yeah. What you're thinking is totally true. This place is fucked up, yo.

Birthday reflections

Yo shawty, it's mah birthday.

Last year at this time I had been living in a five star in the UAE for about 20 days already.  I was definitely still adjusting. It was 55 degrees Celsius on a good day and Ramadan was just ending, so I dreamed of running into the streets and drinking water in public (and then running back inside because I was melting after 30 seconds).

My friends and I went to the Emirates Palace, the 7 star luxury hotel in Abu Dhabi. We had brunch (I had the buffet which was like $75 but the world's best buffet-Thanks to my friends who paid for it!) and then we went to IKEA, because that was the only thing open! The next day we went on a desert safari where I rode a camel for the first time and ate an arabic meal under the desert stars. Sounds like a pretty quintessential UAE birthday to me!

This year I am in Canada visiting family (where I was hiding out from the heat....shh! don't tell the sun) and my plans today include going to Swiss Chalet dinner followed up by a Sobey's grocery store cake-which honestly, are friggin delicious and probably one of my favourite cakes. Sounds very quintessentially Canadian :)

I wonder where my birthday next year will be? :o)

Updates

You will notice a few new changes to my blog to spice things up a little. You can now translate it into any language (that Google knows) by choosing the language on the bar to the right. I cannot be held responsible for how wrong it may translate my ramblings.

You can also check a box below each post telling me if you want to hear more (Tell me more!) if you are tired of me talking about this topic (Tell me less!) or if you are downright offended by my post (How dare you!) I know lots of people read but don't comment, so this is a good way to contribute :) But, I always like to hear comments if you do want to leave them.

Also, should you want to share my blog (sharing is caring, it's how we grow!) you can use the share feature to the bottom right. That is all. Stay cool bloggies.

Home? Again.

Over the past few weeks a lot of people have been asking me "How's home?" and then later, "So when are you going home?" Alternatively, other people have asked "Where are you from?" All of these questions have become hard to answer. I know that Hamilton, Ontario and Canada will always be my official home base, but I would have to call my current "home" the UAE. After living there for a year, going back for another (and perhaps more, we will see) it is impossible to feel as I am merely a visitor any more. In some ways, I will be a perpetual visitor, as I will never look like a "local", I don't think I'll ever have a perfect grasp of the language, and I will always stand out. However, I have created a kind of UAE family that consists of people that I love, spend lots of time with and know I could count on for anything. 

So, the perpetual question, "Do you like it there?" The answer is complicated. I have to reflect a lot on this recently since everyone who knows me (or sees the name of my bank on my credit card) wants to know about the UAE. I usually answer that there are some things I love and some things I don't. Truthfully, I LOVE my life in the UAE. I love my co-workers. These amazing women keep me sane, make me laugh and let me debrief. Also we drive each other crazy, but that's what happens when there is absolutely no testosterone in a room of 12 ladies. I (sometimes) love my job. Things about the organization and bureaucratic stuff can be very frustrating, but my students are extremely sweet and I cannot complain about the beautiful, state-of-the-art building I work in. 

I love my lifestyle, my weekends and my holidays. I love sitting by the pool, visiting Dubai and waking up to palm tree lined streets every day. I have loved learning some words in a new language and learning about Emirati and Arab culture. I have learned the important difference between what it means to be a Muslim and what it means to live in an Islamic country with it's own distinct culture. I admire the people who try to live their lives in the best way they can under their religion and I admire the fact that the UAE has built itself up from small desert communities to 7 distinct Emirates in only 40 years. I love my apartment too!

Then there are the things I don't love. I don't love the way some people are treated. I don't love the fact that some people claim to be good people and have strong religious beliefs, but then do every possible thing they can that goes against their religion and good moral judgment. I don't love that some people have more money than they know what to do with, and others don't even have a house to sleep in at night.

Here is one thing I have learned when I really think hard about all this. You can take the above paragraph and apply it to Canada. We too have preachy religious people who (as my coworker says) "Pray with their mouth but not with their heart". We too have homeless people begging in our streets, while professional basketball and baseball players make disgusting amounts of money a year to play a game. We too subscribe to modern day slavery with migrant workers brought over from the Caribbean to work in factories and on farms. Canada is just better at hiding it. Don't get me wrong, I love my country. But I can also see that no country is perfect and that power and greed can turn people anywhere into unfeeling beings. I love Canada's freedom and I have lived nothing but a safe, happy life in both Canada and the UAE. I guess I have simply learned that you cannot know the truth about a place until you live there and spend time there. I definitely appreciate the opportunity to find all of this out.

Eurotrip

It has been quite some time since I posted, but this always happens when I travel and I have been doing a LOT of traveling recently. I left the UAE on July 17 to fly to Barcelona, Spain for the start of a two week Euro-trip with a friend.

Airport and flying
I had never been to the Dubai airport before, only the one in Abu Dhabi. It is pretty standard of most airports, except that they have a few indoor smoking facilities (which is great for smokers who can't get outside between flights) and they had an area with "sleep pods." You'd pay a small fee and get a room with a bunk, a lamp and a door for X number of hours to sleep. This wasn't useful to me in Dubai when I was leaving, but I cannot tell you the number of times I thought of, and pined for this whilst on vacation throughout Europe. We boarded our first flight to London, then made a quick transfer through to Barcelona.

Barcelona, Spain
First impressions of Barcelona are that everyone's cars there are very small, to fit into the jam-packed, tiny, winding streets. This is a big change to the giant SUVs I'm used to seeing in the UAE. We spent most of our time in Barcelona being pretty tired and jet-lagged. When we arrived at our hostel we booked online, it was like something out of a bad teen movie. The room was up 10 flights of dark dusty stairs and the room had 10 bunk beds, no a/c, no window coverings and a lot of 18 year old girls in it. We were so tired but pretty much couldn't nap there, so we spent the first day dragging our butts around the city sightseeing and yawning. The thing to see in Barcelona is the Gaudi architecture. We saw the famous Sagrada Famillia church and the Gaudi sculpture park. We had original plans to go to Ibiza, the island party capital of the world, but it turned out to be an 8 hour boat ride-which is not a luxury you can take when you only have 3 days in a place before moving on. The food and drink was great-tapas and wine! We tried to go out to a nightclub but they OPEN at 1am and close at like 6am. After waiting almost an hour in line without moving for one club, we gave up and went home. Maybe I'm getting old?

Rome, Italy
We flew to Rome, Italy on our third day. I absolutely loved the atmosphere and sights of rome. Seeing things like the Collessium, Trevi fountain and the Spanish steps in person was awesome. The food was AMAZING! My favourite meals (and wine) happened here in Rome. We did find it funny that everywhere we went there seemed to be an older Italian male waiter who wanted none of our tomfoolery of looking at menus or asking questions. He just wanted to know immediately what we wanted when we sat down, and forget about asking for Parmesan cheese. The man had other old Italian men to talk to (yell at). One of our favourite places to hang out in Rome at night was a little tiny place called Pizza Fantasy. There you could sit on a patio for as long as you wanted, order $10 bottles of delicious wine and watch the waiter get drunker and drunker as the night went on.

The highlight of Italy for me was Vatican City. We took a guided tour (which you should really do if you go there-considering the Vatican museums have 1700 rooms!) and I got to see the pope's balcony, the largest church in the world, the mausoleum site of Pope John Paul II, and of course the Sistine Chapel. Nothing can compare to seeing the Sistine chapel ceiling and walls in person. It is absolutely magnificent that Michelangelo did this when he was in his teens and we found out that when he painted the amazing (and slightly terrifying) The Last Judgement work, he had actually gone blind in one eye from having lead paint drip into his eye whilst he painted the Sistine Chapel ceiling. I put a photo below (which I stole from the internet-because you can't take pictures in the Chapel) and it so doesn't even begin to do the real thing justice-but just remember, ONE EYE!

I will now show you what a painting I did with one eye would look like:

There you have it.

Two highlights of Rome:

1. There was this guy who walked around our hotel's neighbourhood selling head massagers and various panda bear/dog dancing toys that ONLY sang various Shania Twain songs. He would bring them over to your table while you were trying to have a nice meal and switch it on and wave it in your face. He irritated the shit out of me when he came to me, but I did like to watch him do it to other people. And sometimes people actually bought them!

2. The random men who walked around trying to give flowers to tourists, telling a carefully crafted story of how they almost sold all the flowers, but since they didn't, now they were giving them out to beautiful ladies. After that they would tie a friendship bracelet on your wrist, tell you to make a wish, then ask you for money. I told him from the start I wouldn't be giving him anything, but he persisted. When I refused again, he took his flower back with haste, marched off (undoubtedly cursing us in his language) and then glared at us from across the square. I waved.

The Night Train
We took the overnight sleeper train from Italy to Austria. Let me tell you, if you are going to do this either guarantee that you get a bottom bunk in the couchettes (which are like thin, shitty bunk beds) or PAY THE EXTRA MONEY and get a "bed". My friend and I arrived to our bunk to find that we both had the top bunk and another older couple had the bottom. I didn't like the idea of sleeping 5 feet in the air with little room to even role over, but I especially didn't like the fact that it didn't look too sturdy. The man who was to be sleeping below me, also didn't look too convinced of it either. After much taking to the train people, a bit of crying and freaking out, the guy gave me his bottom bunk. I felt like such a jerk, but I figure it's karma for all the times I've held my tongue when someone has done something terrible or jerky to me in the UAE. On our next train journey we got the "beds" and although they weren't that much better, they were significantly sturdier (see below).

Salzburg, Austria
Salzburg was, by far, my favourite place on the whole trip. The little towns are absolutely adorable where you can eat at traditional schnitzel houses and people still wear lederhosen! We took the Sound of Music tour which was a lifetime dream for me. I touched the gazebo, walking across the bridge they skipped across and even saw some of the places in Austria the real Maria and Vonn Trapps went. The little towns nestled in the mountains on the way to Bavaria (Germany) were so cute and beautiful, I can only hope that I will go stay there someday. I have never visited a place that has such distinct character that moves beyond the random tourist stuff. It just made me genuinely happy to be there.

We took a (rather lame) Bavarian mountains tour on our last day there, but we did get to see some of the areas the Nazis had borders set up between the mountains and where Hitler's Eagle's nest was. The Eagle's nest was a fort Hitler set up at the top of the Bavarian mountains so he could see clear into Austria during the war without being detected. The actual fort was obscured in clouds the day we were there but we saw the direction of it! Despite a dismal history, Austrians were lovely, warm people who welcome tourists openly.

Amsterdam, Netherlands
We took the overnight train from Austria and ended up in Amsterdam in the morning. We booked a REAL hotel room in Amsterdam, having had enough of hostels. The room smelled a little funky and did have carpeted walls, but you can't win 'em all. We spent a lot of time just walking around Amsterdam, the Red Light District and seeing all the "coffee shops" where they stress organic products more than coffee (wink, wink, nudge, nudge). I cannot detail the exploits of the red light district too much because this blog (while currently being written from Montreal) does have attachments to the UAE, where such things are not talked about in detail. All I can say about it is, whatever crazy thing you thing is possible or available there, exaggerate it a little more, and there you have it.

I will relate one fun story from a bar in the Red Light District. My friend and I ate lunch there and went in to pay the bill with the bar tender. Upon seeing my credit card which says "National Bank of Abu Dhabi" on it, the bartender said, "Oh Abu Dhabi, my neighbour!" I asked where he was from and he said "Saudi Arabia" I was slightly taken aback and said, "Well, quite the change here, eh?" He said, "Yes, my parents think I am in University". A Sheikh in Saudi shuddered just now, wondering why, since it's 120 degrees there.

Amsterdam is 100% ruled by cyclists. They have bike lanes there that are actually more dangerous to cross than the streets. You best look out for cyclists or you WILL be run over. We also took a boat tour through the canals, which was beautiful. One of my other favourite places in Europe we went was Southern Holland (Holland is now known as Netherlands, but they still call it Holland). It's amazing that just a short bus ride from the depravity and grunge of downtown Amsterdam (it is one of the dirtiest cities I have ever seen) is a beautiful countryside with adorable cottages and windmills abound. If you know anything about me, you might know that windmills and wind turbines freak me out. I really hate seeing a whole field of wind turbines, especially. While I had never seen a lot of old tymey windmills, I assumed this fear would also transfer to them, but surprisingly not. We went to a UNESCO world heritage windmill site, where there was the highest concentration of windmills anywhere in the world. It was cool to find out how many uses windmills actually have, other than just being kinda creepy. We also saw a lot of cheese and clog making.

All in all, it was a whirlwind trip. We met some interesting people, saw lots of amazing things and I would definitely do it again (there's lots more europe to see!) Should you be interested, here are my tips for European travel:

1. Do not have too much of a plan, because it will change no matter what you do. Our plan changed many times.

2. Take more money than you think you will need. You WILL need it.

3. Don't stay in a 10 person hostel. Ever. It's terrible at the end of a long day of sightseeing to be woken up by the drunk girl near u jumping off her bunk bed, trying not to barf all over the floor. Book a private hostel room with a PRIVATE BATHROOM. Just trust me.

4. Don't plan on sightseeing your first day when you are jetlagged and grumpy. It just sucks.

5. Don't get drunk on the overnight train when you have 10 hours of train ride ahead of you (again, trust me).

6. Bring running shoes. Who gives a shit if they are not stylish. If you don't bring them, you will buy them.

7. Bring hand sanitizer.

8. Wear sweats on all planes.

9. Learn to say "yes" "no" "please" "thank you" and "toilet" wherever you go.

10. Bring a (patient) friend with you :)

How do you measure a year?

As I sit here eating my Cheerios, getting ready for my last day of work of this school year, I wonder where the time has gone. This time last year I was on summer vacation in Canada wondering what I would face when I came to the United Arab Emirates. In the name of this last post of the school year, I would like to do a list of first and final impressions.

Consider this a list of my running inner dialogue of first impressions:

On walking out of the airport doors on August 5^th at 10:30pm: “Sweet baby Jebus it is hot out here! What have I done? Oh look! PALM TREES! I wonder what those men are doing with my luggage?”

On walking into the five star hotel I stayed in for a month: “Wow, I feel like I’m in space! I want to sing ‘I think I’m gonna like it here!’ From Annie. Also, why is everyone I see here Filipino? I though this was the United ARAB Emirates!?”

On meeting the 1000 other teachers who came to UAE along with me: “Wow, this feels like first year University all over again! Some of these people are real crazy, don’t they appreciate anything that is being done for them? I really want my apartment, this five star living in getting old! These people are awesome!”

On taking the bus ride from Abu Dhabi to Al Ain (my home city): “Holy crapolla. Where am I going? Why have I ONLY seen giant piles of sand for the last 45 minutes?! I wonder if there will be snakes and scorpions in my house?”

On arriving to my original apartment in Al Ain. “Ummmmmmmm, what the H-E-double hockey sticks is this? What happened to the apartment they described to me that had big shiny glass walls, kitchens with islands in the middle and rooftop pools. This one has particle board furniture, dead cockroaches and sewage smells. Welcome to the desert.”

On driving for the first time: “WHY ARE THERE SO MANY ROUNDABOUTS? WHY ARE YOU FLASHING YOUR LIGHTS AND HONKING AT ME FOR GOING THE SPEED LIMIT?! WHY ARE YOU FOLLOWING ME AND BLOWING KISSY FACES AT ME?”

On going to work for the first time: “Why are all these women staring at me? How will I ever know the difference between people when I can just see their hands and their eyes? I wonder if my students will cover their faces (will I have to make them wear nametags?!) I miss working with men. Why do we have to do the National Anthem and prayer outside when it’s sooooo hot? Am I supposed to pretend to pray too? Why is it always so smoky in the school?”

On going shopping for the first time: “What? No, I can…throw away my own garage, lift my own groceries off the shelf and into my cart, pack my own grocery bags, walk my cart to my own car….WHY are you trying to do it for me?”

Upon going to Dubai for the first time: “I’M ALIVE AGAIN! I feel normal. I can walk down the street and no one looks at me or cares. I can wear capris and no one will stare at my sexy ankles. Wow there’s a lot of partying here. THIS IS MY KIND OF PLACE!!”

First time paying any type of bill, going to a bank or trying to do any kind of bureaucratic thing: “WHY IS THIS COUNTRY SO DISORGANIZED?!”

***Almost one year has passed and some of my impressions have changed dramatically, while some have not. Let me allow you into my head again for some final impressions.

On walking outside, when it is 45 degrees + every day, 24 hours a day: Sweet baby Jebus! It is still THAT hot out here and I will never really get used to it! Ah well, off to my air-conditioned car/house/school/mall or the pool!

On lounging at the five star hotels every weekend, sipping icy drinks by the pool: I LOVE MY LIFE!

On hanging out with a select few of the 1000 teachers who came to the UAE along with me: “These people are like my family now, what would I have done without them. Sure will miss them this summer sniff”

On living in Al Ain: “Give me sand dunes any day, it is over half times less humid, way easier to get around and has a community feeling. I would never live in Abu Dhabi city now, it’s just a Middle Eastern Toronto. Blegh. Hmm…I never did see a scorpion…”

On arriving home to my (new) apartment in Al Ain: “Wow, I love this place. No mutant cockroaches, nice new fixtures and underground parking so the inside of my car doesn’t liquefy when I park it!”

On driving, anytime: “Yeah, go flashy light and honk at yourself you mofo. NO, I will NOT MOVE out of your way, go around! Oh yeah, having your infant in the front seat on your lap is a good idea! Roll up your damn window and stop following me, fool, you ain’t getting none of this!”

On going to work for the LAST time: “Time to go sleep on a beanbag for two hours until I can go home and have a nap. Where is that big tray of chocolate again?”

Upon going to Dubai for the last time this summer: “Until we meet again, my desert lover. Never change! Xo”

Last time paying a bill, trying to get money exchanged, trying to return my car: “WHY IS THIS COUNTRY SO DISORGANIZED?!”

I guess some things never change!

Another Brick in the Wall

Today I was proctoring a grade 12 exam with an Arab teacher. In proctoring they usually do most of the work while I just stand there looking dumb because I cannot read the exam instructions or the students names or answer any of their questions. I usually just stare at the wall, but I'm getting paid, so hey. Anyways, the teacher usually just comes in, tells them to sit down and hands out the tests. Today, though, she came in and said something in Arabic and the students all stood, looking dumb-founded.

She proceded around the room and did a physical body search of each student. Like, we are talking an airport frisk-ankles to neck! I guess there was a recent incident of a student cheating at a school, but really, is an aggressive frisk necessary? Please keep in mind that these kids are not hardened gangsters or thugs. They are sweet little Muslim girls with a serious fear of God- and their Father. The other teacher looked at me expectantly as she was frisking her second student and I let out a little snort (not meaning to) and sat down. So. Not. Doing. That. One student also had a full-blown panic attack during her exam and instead of letting her go to the bathroom (with an escort of course-so she could not cheat with the paper probably concealed somewhere very seedy) they just gave her a cookie and tea and stared at her. Really people? Many of the students had a hard time with their exams and were in tears, holding on to them for dear life when it was time to submit them.

Should you wish to know more about how I feel about this, I invite you to watch the following video:

Also- we just found out that instead of being paid our full summer pay in our June pay cheque as was promised to us all year, and reconfirmed in a company email last week...now we are not, we will be paid monthly which only slighty  totally effs up my plans for my vacation in July. All in all, you're just another brick in the wall.

Shopping Bitch Face

So today I'm grocery shopping in Carrefour which is like a french walmart but with more screaming (Arab) children. I'm in the cereal aisle trying to decide between Frosted Flakes and Shreddies when this dude comes down the aisle. He stops and gives me a once over (which, fine, I'm built like a brick house so we can't totally blame him [haha so say the ladies at my work!]) and then he continues down the aisle (walking backwards so he can stare..no joke) then stops at the end of the aisle and just stands there staring, waiting for me to come. Two can play this game, fucker (I think to myself). I toss my Frosted Flakes in the cart and start toward him scowling with the bitchiest bitch look I can muster. He seems unfazed, still staring and I continue on. In the next aisle people are blocking the entire aisle with their carts and will not move when I politely try to excuse myself three times, so I just ram my way through. I happen upon a mirror at the end of the aisle and realize my face looks like this:

That, guys and gals, is my shopping bitch face, I guess. I tried to recreate as best I could but it kinda looks more like I smelled a fart or saw someone picking their nose (these are also possible grocery store things to see). I guess when I shop I walk around looking like this all the time since I'm so annoyed. That begs the question WHY ARE THEY ALL STILL LOOKING AT ME? Would you want to look at me if you saw my grocery store bitch face? Exactly.

So that's the negative of grocery shopping in the UAE. Now here's the positive. I am walking down the aisles looking for tiny cans of RedBull (which are really hard to find), probably wearing my bitch face, and I realize all of sudden that I don't have my cart anymore, which has my purse in it. Now I hear all of your tsk tsking across the world...*Never leave your purse in a cart!- You're asking for it!* Yeah, I know, dumb right. So I start looking around me in a panicked state, thinking someone took my whole cart. Seeing it nowhere around I go down the last aisle I was in, scanning- nothing. Not until I get THREE AISLES OVER where I had been shopping for cheese (I'm always shopping for cheese) do I find it, entirely untouched, next to the Babybells. So I really, truly, honestly, left my cart there, wandered three aisles away and no one touched it! Only in the UAE!



So I finish up and go out to the parking lot with my stuff

Got shoes?

I moved into a new building (which you'd know if you followed my facebook, Gawd *rolls eyes*) and yesterday I was lounging around my apartment in my tiny shorts and tank top when the doorbell rang. Thinking it was my significant other, I answered it and there was a small asian woman standing there. I said "Hi" and just just stared at me. "Yes?" Still staring...awkward silence. "I clean for you?!" Me: "Oh, no thanks, I have a cleaning lady." All pissed off-she leaves. Now really, my building is almost all teachers and I know you need a cleaning job lady-but perhaps think about what you might say to the person who answers the door to solicite said job and/or don't kill your chances by being pissed when I say no.
***
Moving on. I went jet skiing last weekend and got my sandals all wet, and they were smelly. (There is a point to this story other than that I have smelly feet). I decided to leave them out in front of my car to dry in the underground parking lot, so they wouldn't smell up my house. I did, in fact, forget that I totally have a balcony and could have put them out there. Anyways, I left them there overnight, and when I went back to get them, they were gone! Now, someone would have had to LOOK for them or see me put them there because they were hidden by my car and not easily spotted. There are some workers at my building who are very poor, so I think perhaps one of them scooped them up. If they needed new shoes, then good-I'm glad I left them there. I do have to admit though, every time I drive through my complex, I look at all of the workers feet to see if they are wearing bright pink Birkenstocks.
***
The other day when driving I was discussing with my colleague how its so crazy that people get in to accidents SO frequently in this country that they don't even bat an eye when they crash into the back of someone's car. You will see an accident happen, the driver's casually get out, shake hands (or rub noses if they are Emirati) and then have a smiling chit chat in the middle of the round about while surveying their smashed cars. I know that the day I drove into someone (more like- I slightly bumped their bumper with no damage) we got out of cars, they screamed at me in Arabic, looked at the bumper, then drove away. I sat for a while trying to decide what to do while people honked at me, and the police officer who was standing 15 FEET AWAY FROM ME in the roundabout just stared at me. There is a separate traffic accident team that will come when you call them, but you'd think the police officer would help a sista out given the confused look on my face. Nope. I handled it the way any mature 26 year old would, but calling my S.O. and saying "I GOT IN AN ACCIDENT...WHADOIDO?!" and then pulling off the road to cry for a few minutes before continuing on to work.
***
Today I was showing my students their marks on an excel spreadsheet on my laptop, when the file accidentally minimized to reveal my background picture of me and my S.O. on a jet skii. The girls made a gasping sound and immediately started giggling. I quickly brought the file back up and said "You saw nothing!" *Totally Busted* In most other places in the world it wouldn't really matter, but here these things are supposed to be kept strictly under wraps.

Exercise anyone?

So this is a story of what happens when you work out in the UAE. There is a women's gym, a men's gym and a pool. You're probably thinking..."An all women's gym? Lovely!" It would be lovely except the women's gym consists of a treadmill, weights up to 25 pounds a bike and a slightly broken universal machine. Also it's tiny and has no tv, which sucks. Not to mention the fact that women take FOREVER on cardio machines. I like to take my time too, but really if you put some incline on that baby and walk more than 3.5 (which is Grandma pace) you do not need to walk on there for an hour. Men get it done. They turn up the speed really fast, run like a flailing maniac for 20 minutes and then they're done.

For all these reasons I headed over to the men's gym. I saw that there was no one in the pool and got excited that I could finally swim some laps without any (damn kids) lovely little darlings getting in my way. The pool is manned by two dudes..presumably "lifeguards" though I wouldn't really trust them to guard my life. I sign in and ask the dude where the women's change room is. He looks at me sort of confused and points to the single change room that has a guy in it. Now, I really don't give a flying flock of geese if it's a co-ed change room, but it is so weird that in a country where they separate eating areas for men and women in restaurants..they would have a co-ed change room. Frankly, I think they just cheaped out. Anyways, I change and then try to get my hair into a friggin bathing cap, which they insist on. Let me just tell you, if you have never used a bathing cap, they suck. They squeeze your head and there's no possible way you can ever fit all your hair in one of those bad boys.

So I get my loser cap on and go out to the pool. The two dudes are there sitting and staring at the pool. As I take my towel off to get in, they stop their conversation and STARE at me. They continue to stare as I do laps (and this is not a big pool so this is REALLY awkward!) and at this point, I wish I knew Arabic because I know enough to know they keep saying "girl". I decide to not let them scare me off and keep doing my laps. They yell off the roof of the building (where the pool is) to someone and two minutes later, THREE MORE DUDES come up to the pool and sit on the deck and watch me. Frig. None of this is flattering, just annoying. Especially because I know I look a mess in this lame-ass bathing cap. I finish my laps and get out and again, silence breaks as I walk across the deck to get my towel. As I leave the three extra dudes got up and left. I guess the show was over.

I changed and went to the men's gym (which luckily was empty). I start doing my sit ups and on the way up I see the "lifeguard" just creepishly standing there in the gym. He starts putting on the loudest, most irritating music possible on and turning it up and down and changing it, looking for my reaction each time. He eventually makes himself comfortable sitting backwards on the bike so he can stare at me. Like seriously-not going to drown in the gym! Eff off. Usually in this situation I would say "WHAT?!?" but I know he was just looking for a reason to be able to talk to me so I refused his stares. Eventually I guess I started to look less attractive whilst sweating or he got bored and he wandered away. I finished my workout and left. Neither of the creepy staring dudes ever said a word to me while there. I went down the staircase and was walking to my building entrance when I heard "HEY!!" I looked up toward the pool just to see one of the creepers duck out of the way. Seriously.