Webequirk 12

Today's Webequirk: The InterNOT. You read it correctly, that is not a typo. You see, I can't call it the interNET because that would suggest that there is a series of interconnected networks that broadcast information into my home, and that just ain't true.

When I moved into my house I was told that it was an "internet dead zone." That, for some reason, I was not able to connect to my modem and they couldn't quite figure out why. They checked the cabling and the modem itself, then told me they had the same problem last year and just gave me the password to the education authority's wireless across the road. Normally this would be great, except for the fact that their wireless router must be the first one ever manufactured and that the wind, can in fact, blow the signal away on it's way across the street. Either that, or I have lead walls. Also a possibility. All I know is I only ever get about 1 or 2 bars of signal and even loading a page is difficult. I do gain access eventually from bouncing off several different access points at once, but forget about your chances of watching a youtube video or downloading any software.

I have become quite used to the interNOT and I don't tend to let it bother me anymore. I do wonder what is wrong with my house that makes it a dead zone. Will it also make me a dead....Karen? I hear tell that there are transformers buried in my backyard...and not the awesome, robots in disguise kind. Let's pause a moment though and imagine such a rag tag team of Webequie autobots:

Webzmaster's: Webequie Robots in Disguise!

Optimus Grime: made out of all the garbage that is littered across the community, complete with fish guts and dog hair. Special talent: He really smells so you can't possibly get close enough to fight him.

Wolf-o-bot: appears as a piece of timber washed up on the shore to an untrained eye, but after midnight turns into a steel grey wolf that eats puppies for dinner!

Vandalicon: made up of all the bits of broken glass, pieces of wood with "Rez240 Bitches!" sprayed painted on the side and old hockey equipment that's been chewed up by the dogs. You can just imagine the destruction he could cause.

Community-meeting-o-con (okay, that name sucked..): able to make you want to poke your own eyes out by discussing the same issue over and over and never making headway or coming to any solution or conclusion.

*Awesome tangent completed*

For the next three weeks, I will have to keep dealing with my interNOT and hope that I don't develop any sort of serious illness from my lead-riddled house. All I know is it will be a sweet, sweet day when I can go anywhere I want in internet land at home and have it work perfectly. One sweet day.